None of it really matters.
I hope you’re all ready for a heart to heart here because this post isn’t gonna be all sunshine and rainbows. Nuh uh. But it does turn out happy, promise. Grab a cuppa and a biscuit or two.
I had a pretty tough time during high school. I know, I know, most people do. But my family had a lot of stuff going on (alcoholism, divorce, and other things. yikes.) so I ended up being diagnosed with depression at 15 and I denied the fact that I was depressed for years afterwards.
Because of all these my friend making skills took a back burner. I’m still not great at it more than six years on. The first year and a half of high school was great, I mainly hung around with the same friends as at primary school. Easy peasy. But then after all the family issues my friends thought that I didn’t want to be friends any more because I was spending more time concentrating on my family. That still sounds ridiculous to me but I’m glad I stuck to my guns and didn’t decide to see my family less.
After that I was in no man’s land.
I had one close friend that I could share everything with, but we gradually drifted apart over the next three years. So I was alone with all these problems.
I did make friends, people to sit with in classes and lunch, good friends. But I haven’t spoken to them since. I do regret that sometimes, it would have been nice to have friends to see and catch up with over the summer. But that’s the way things go.
I didn’t do as well as I could have done in GCSEs. Not at all. But I chose to not work hard at it. Admittedly, it was probably the depression talking. What convinced that staying up until at least 3am every night was a great idea, let my ride through high school on my natural intellect.
But what I realised after high school is that I need to make this life my own. My family may have a closet full of skeletons, but I couldn’t let them rule my life. They did during high school, and that made my life pretty miserable. But once I was at college I realised that I didn’t want to just coast through life hoping for the best. I wanted to push myself. I spent all of primary school and high school in the top classes, and I wanted to stay there and keep pushing higher.
I’d relied on my natural abilities for too long, assuming they’d get me where I need to be. But once I was outside of the comfort of my little high school it became obvious that people were working bloody hard to achieve something, and I’d need to do the same.
What I’m trying to say is; it gets better. Even if you lose friends, don’t get what you want straight away, or feel like you won’t succeed. You will get where you’re supposed to be. Uni has been the game changer for me. I scraped in, and am now heading towards graduating with a high 2:1 or a first. I didn’t dream that I’d be able to say that in a million years.
If you’re in high school now, I know it can seen like the be all and end all. That what you achieve there – whether it be great grades, great friends, great popularity – will define the rest of your life. I can safely say it won’t. This is coming from the girl with not the best grades she could have achieved, lost friendships, and got slightly bullied because she wasn’t the prettiest.
Now I’m getting the grades I want, thinking about a masters course, have friends who I get so excited about seeing, and a boyfriend who thinks I’m beautiful. Life is pretty bloody great at the moment, and high school feels like a lifetime ago.
It gets better. You just have to work at it.
It’s worth it, I promise.